


Suicide For Dummies

by Chacha_Sue



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Humor, Many Suicide Attempts, One Shot, Other, Suicide Attempt, Vixx - Freeform, based on animated short film
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:19:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chacha_Sue/pseuds/Chacha_Sue
Summary: Inspired from the beautiful animated short film " Falling In Love ", I present to you Kim WonshikA man who lost the love of his life so he decides to use his last functioning brain cell in order to find a way to kill himself, only to fail miserably in every method he tries





	Suicide For Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> The plot is very similar to the short film, but with a slightly different plot twist at some point  
> The main plot of the story is fully based on different suicide methods, if you are uncomfortable or triggered by this, please stay safe 

  _The sunset view of the city of Seoul was beautiful_ _  
_That's what he thought as he let his eyes trail after a folk of birds heading back to their nests under heavy reddish clouds, and then far into the horizon to the sun sinking behind far away building  
Why hadn't he thought about coming up to the roof earlier, he wondered  
A gentle cold breeze tickled his heavily stained pajamas which lost all evidence of having ever been white and he smiled sadly to himself, wishing his hair was longer to feel it passing through it as he let his eyes drop from the horizon to the sidewalk 8 stories below his feet.. it wouldn't matter anyway  
His hands were holding to the rail behind him, but not really holding onto it, his toes peaking off the thin ledge while his heels are still on it   
And again he wondered, why hadn't he thought about coming up to the roof earlier?!   
He wouldn't know the answer to that despite being quite simple   
The answer is that Kim Wonshik didn't know how to think   
And this moment when he's standing on the ledge if his apartment building's rooftop preparing to jump to his doom isn't the beginning of this story and it isn't the end scene either   
But if you're interested in knowing how a man who doesn't know how to use his brain got to this point we may go back a few days, see how it all started

____________________________________

  
For a 25 year old man, Wonshik lead a very simple life, a decent apartment, a job which requires minimum brain usage, an electric toothbrush   
But all that doesn't matter, his age his house, his job even the toothbrush none of it had any significance to him, nothing in his life mattered, but one thing, the thing that makes him set his morning alarm 30 minutes earlier than his normal waking up time, despite hating to wake up early, but having a few minutes every morning to lose himself in the delicate features of the angel sleeping in his arms was worth it   
For 3 years he opens his eyes every morning to wonder if maybe he's still dreaming, or how had he saved the world in his past life for God to grant him with such a playful angel  
That girl was all Wonshik knew in life, all he cared about, all that mattered   
So on this particular morning when he opened his eyes and was greeted with the sight of his plain bedroom wall, he just couldn't understand   
According to Wonshik, life had constants and variables, his alarm may not go off in the morning, his coffee machine might break and his apartment misses the sweet aroma he likes to wake up to, the sun may decide not to rise one day, these were all variables  
But the only constant is that her beautiful sleeping face has to be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes, if the earth rotates backwards this moment must stay the same as it has been for 3 years  
So waking up in a cold, empty bed with his arms hugging the sheets instead of her delicate body didn't make any sense, it was against the laws of nature, against the laws of his nature

He can't be sure if he had fainted when he read the letter under the lunch box on the kitchen counter right by his sweet morning coffee  
She made him breakfast as usual, sweetened his coffee as usual, prepared his lunch box so he wouldn't skip a meal at work as usual, and between all that she left him a very short letter telling him she left, with their couple ring resting cold on the paper  
He can't be sure if he fainted and doesn't know how much he stayed laying on the cold kitchen tiles, but when he gathered himself enough to get up the huge coffee stain on his pajama shirt had already dried  
Everything after was a blur, he knows he ran the streets looking for her unable to think of where she might be, maybe screamed her name a little too many times if that explains his sore throat, probably went to all the places she once sat foot in trying to find her  
Only because he couldn't understand that line in her short letter that indicates she's in love with another man  
He had no idea who that other man could be, maybe because he only saw her, knew no one in this world but her  
Maybe he did see that other man, talked to him, maybe he even saw her smiling at him   
But then he only saw her smile, didn't think about how it wasn't directed to him  
But then again, Kim Wonshik didn't really know how to think 

It might have been hours or day since she left, he doesn't know how much it took him to conclude that he just can't go on without her, can't move on with his life as she told him in her letter, can't accept the fact that she's not coming back   
That he was indeed living a dream and finally woke up to find himself on the cold hard ground of reality, he can't.. He won't  
And just like that he ended up standing on a wooden chair in the middle of his living room with a thick rough rope tied in a loop around his neck causing itchiness and the other end securely tied around the humble chandelier  
He didn't have a specific reason for choosing this death method, he just rummaged through the tools wardrobe and the rope was there, simple  
He gave one last tearful look at the letter on the floor and the ring that still sadly shimmers in the swinging light   
And pushed the chair from beneath his feet  
Now Wonshik didn't really have any previous experience in hanging or death in general, but he expected the pain to surge up to his neck and if he was lucky enough, it would immediately snap, but to have the sudden pain in his chin, then his back and butt feel like being crushed, that didn't seem right, especially when he felt alive and wasn't choking,   
When he opened his eyes and realized that he's on the floor with the fallen chandelier crushing his back and one of its arms digging into his butt the pain caught up with him and he screamed   
And when he realized he wasn't dead, he went back to crying 

__________________________

The chandelier was a stupid idea he gotta admit that, in what world did he expected it to carry his weight?!  
He will never try to hang himself again, yet he's still determined to die   
And that's why he was sitting cross legged on the bathroom tiles with nearly 10 sleeping pills in his palm  
It was hers, and he found himself wondering if she used to have a hard time sleeping because she felt guilty for cheating on him?   
He gave the letter and the golden ring one last hurt glance and threw the pills down his throat only for them to get caught in there and choke him so he rushed to the tab while coughing trying to get some water before he chokes and dies.. Later he'll consider the stupidity of his natural reflexes  
He gulped a mouthful of water and felt it pushing the pills down till he was finally breathing fine.  
And with that he closed the tab and found it pointless to leave the bathroom, so he lay on the cold floor and waited for either sleep or death to carry him away,  
And slowly he felt his eyelids grow heavy and his conscious slipping smoothly, he closed his eyes and lost feeling of the dampness of his clothes and the coldness beneath him  
Only for his eyes to shoot back open minutes later when his stomach and intestines growled louder than they ever did before, as if his insides were melting together into a pool of jello being shaken violently by some unknown force   
He realized he was lucky for choosing to stay in the bathroom as he didn't really think he'd make back to it in time while holding onto his angry stomach with one hand and his butt with the other   
And while he was exploding the building's sewer system and trying to hold back his screams of agony he wondered dimly to himself how had he mistaken the laxative with the sleeping pills  
And when Wonshik realized he won't die poisoned, but from an explosive diarrhea and his neighbors will find him in that stinky situation   
He went back to crying 

 ____________________________

In some miraculous way the explosive diarrhea which lasted for two days didn't kill him  
Yet it made hate his life more than he already did if that was even possible, and absolutely determined on ending it   
And although he learned from his mistake, he didn't have the guts to take another overdose, literally, he believes he already shitted out his entire digestive system   
And also he wouldn't risk upsetting his stomach again, which was growling in hunger this time.. Starving himself to death wasn't an option he had considered anyway  
So there he was again on the kitchen floor not weeping this time, but chewing on a slice of untoasted bread solemnly only to silence the growling after having a dozen glasses of lemonade _ Wonshik had a personal believe that lemon is the cure for all human diseases including diarrhea _   
The bread had no taste and the lemonade despite not having any sugar wasn't sour either, he was just eating to stay alive in order to figure a way to die   
And while he was chewing the last piece, Wonshik glanced at his reflection on the polished oven front, and man he looked as shitty as he felt   
But another idea hit him  
He didn't move until the last piece was swallowed, then he get up and dragged his feet to the kitchen door and closed it, took off his coffee stained pajama shirt and stuffed it in the gap between the door and the floor, went to the window to make sure it was sealed then returned to the oven and turned on the gas without lighting any matches, he waited for a second to listen to the gas hissing out when it was satisfyingly loud he dropped himself back on the floor and just lay there, trying not to be too disgusted by the awful smell  
That was an easy way to die. In fact, it's the easiest, he just has to lay there and he'll lose consciousness before he knows it, then he'll peacefully suffocate in his sleep, simple   
Maybe the gas was faster than he thought, or maybe after two nights of suffering sleep found him easily at the soothing hiss of death, but before he got the chance to take one last look at the letter and the ring, his consciousness slipped far far away  
When he opened his eyes after a good few hours of sleep, he was so ready to slit his throat with a kitchen knife and get this over with!  
He dimly remembered something about the building owner visiting him a few days ago at the beginning of his breakdown to tell him about the late gas bill, all he did then was slam the door shut in his face when he found that it wasn't the love of his life at his doorstep   
The man must have been angry enough to cut the gas off his apartment   
This time Wonshik was too angry to cry

 _____________________________

Wonshik also remembered he was a few months late on paying the electricity bill that his love had more than once nagged him, saying the company will cut the power if he kept forgetting about it  
When he plugged a metal fork in the outsource in an image very similar to that depressed frog meme he found out her concern was in place, there was no power to shock him, he hadn't even realized that the lights were out all day and the apartment was lit through the windows till that moment...  
Wonshik also learned a new medical information, Cutting the greenish blue vein on your wrist and let it bleed will cause an awful pain, a mess of blood, a terrible drowsiness and it's more likely to be bored to death before you actually bleed to death  
So he decided to leave the house that hasn't a single effective method of murder and went to the street in the middle of the night with a coffee and blood stained pajama, a poorly bandaged wrist and a deeply rooted intention of not witnessing the morning sun because his inability to kill himself turned this matter from desperation into a challenge   
He glared at the letter one last time before slamming the door shut  
____________________

 

Maybe there isn't an efficient way for a man to kill himself inside his house, but out on the cold dark streets of Seoul, the options are countless  
Wonshik didn't even know where to start   
But jumping off a bridge was kinda basic, and he doesn't know how to swim anyway

It was a really simple plan taken straight from the book, he finds the bridge through the London fog with the sea raging beneath it, and when the full moon peaks from behind the heavy winter clouds he allows one last tear to roll down his cold cheek, and with the memory of her beautiful face he jumps 

Too dramatic?!,

Well, I’m just narrating what's going on inside Wonshik's imagination on his long walk to the nearest bridge since he has no money for a cab   
Except all those Hollywood fantasies evaporated when he reached the bridge to realize he's in South Korea in the year 2019 and not in London in 1800s   
There was no blinding fog, cars and people were going and coming from both directions and even a few couples were scattered on the railing whispering sweet love words under an absolutely non dramatic half moon   
And any idiot should know that river water don't rage!!  
A little disappointing, but that still won't stop him from ending his life right there   
Only when he finds an empty, isolated spot to jump off without interruption

But he wasn't gonna give up, and spend a good part of the night trying to find a peaceful spot from which he could jump  
And again, there he was, standing with his glorious stained pajama, looking at the calm water beneath him and praying it's deep enough to drown him  
He just lifted one foot to climb the railing and a few people walked past him chattering so he dropped his leg and pretended to be watching the river until they were far enough, all he has to do is lift his...  
A couple passing whispering sweetly   
A car stops to ask him the road to god knows where  
A bunch of drunken men almost bumping into him  
 _ _That's enough!!__    
He didn't even think before pushing his body off the railing  
He expected to feel the fall, or see his life passing before his eyes, have one last thought or maybe see her smile one last time   
But it was faster than he anticipated, he barely jumped and the river hit his face having water pushed violently into his nose, mouth and ears, then it engulfed him for a few seconds before pushing him back to the surface to catch a deep breath and consider how bad of an idea that was while hitting the water aimlessly trying to stay on the surface  
He really wants to give up and drown, that's the purpose, but that damn survival instinct is forcing him to struggle against death   
It's alright Wonshik, in a moment the water will get to your lungs and you'll die, in fact the more you fight the faster you drown so slap harder!!  
And then there was light   
And it wasn't the light at the end of the tunnel  
It was a boat  
And somehow Wonshik found himself laying on his back on a wooden boat with a man seemingly trying to break his rib cage claiming he's saving him and won't believe that he's fucking' awake   
Once he pinched his nose and leaned to give him the kiss of life Wonshik yelled in frustration scaring his savior and almost throwing him off the boat   
Why can't he just die?!!!!

 _________________________________

With one bare foot and another in a wet slipper Wonshik crawled his way from the muddy river side to the main road like an ugly, miserable swamp monster, the earlier distinct blood and coffee stains on his pajama got mangled and mixed in the water and with the new mud stains the once baby blue pajama became some sick shade of shit brown, his lone left slipper was making a disgusting wet squeak everytime with every step while the toes of his other foot were freezing on the cold asphalt since his right slipper was luckier than him and the river took it  
He was angry, life was forcing him to stay and suffer, he failed to keep his love, failed to move on and now was failing death!   
But no!!   
He will kill himself before sunrise even if he had to blow up the entire city   
" IF I WANT TO END MY LIFE THEN I WILL END IT "   
He yelled determined as he stopped dead in the middle of the highway staring at the coming front lights of a car approaching him through the fog and wished it would be a huge truck that will hit him hard enough to send his brains splattering on the road and then his dismembered remains would glare life in the eye with triumph and say " who's the winner now, bitch "   
But the bitch gave out her signature high pitched laughter barley muted by the sound of the two motorcycles passing right by Wonshik with a speed made them appear as two lighting bolts  
" The hell!!! "

The universe hates him, it's actually funny to imagine how the universe with all its space, galaxies, solar systems, planets and every shape of life just decided that there is that one miserable insignificant human on earth whom they should all hate for absolutely no reason, but currently Wonshik was in no mood for dark universal sarcasm, he was cold, wet and lost and wishing he had a home to go back to, and despite having a house, he doesn't have a home for the house without her will be as cold and lonely as these empty side streets a little before dawn.  
He couldn't bring himself to care where he was exactly, it didn't matter, nothing mattered not the dark alley he's walking through, not those suspicious two men glaring at him threatening, not even about the pocket knife one of them pulled out, he doesn't seem to be actually going to attack just warning him off, but Wonshik really wished he would, finding that to be an interesting experiment as to whether the possibly gangster will be able to kill him or utterly fail like everything else, he was curious but didn't care much at this point   
One thing caught his attention, though,

 A sudden deafening noise followed by blinding colored lights, it took him a few seconds to identify them as police car sirens and red / blue lights   
Suddenly one of the suspicious men was shoving something in his chest, which he instinctively caught between watching without with dazed eyes as the man fled, the next second he was tackled to the hard ground with someone shouting above him.  
________________________

  
Somewhere in the back if his dead shocked brain, Wonshik registered that he's probably drooling from his hanging jaw, but he couldn't find the function that closes it, not after they told him at the station he was under arrest for drug dealing   
Apparently and quiet unsurprisingly, he was the only unlucky person in the world to walk right in the middle of a police trap set to catch some drug dealers, and the bag shoved in his chest happened to be carrying a small but enough amount of drugs to get him a good long jail sentence...  
He stared at the gray ceiling of the interrogation room and whispered " seriously?! "   
Out of all the women in the world he had to love her, out of all the men in the world she had to leave him, out of all the streets in south Korea he had to walk in that alley, out of all the times it had to be this minute and out of all suicide methods not a single one works for him, seriously?!  
He dropped his head, looking back at the " bad cop wanna be " detective with a resigned to fate look and asked him solemnly if drug dealing could get him executed   
And if it does, can they check the rope first before they hang him, or make sure they paid the electricity bill before using the electric chair, maybe make sure the have the right poison if they'll inject him or if the there's enough gas to suffocate him!  
The detective didn't need to wait for the blood sample results to know he's high

 _______________________

Three nights, that's how long he spent in the cell before they caught the real culprits and released him   
He walked out of the station with a stinky stained pajama, a pair of slippers they were kind enough to give him and a deep life philosophy  
Wonshik had realized something during his meditation time in the stinky prison cell,   
When humans hate someone they try to avoid him, throw him out of their lives and forget he exists, life is different in that matter  
When life hates someone, it holds on to him, clutches him with her long red painted nails _ as he imagines _ and forces him to stay and suffer  
And life hated him, obviously more than it hated any historical villain whom found death easily no matter how cruel the method was, life absolutely hated Wonshik's guts more than any man who set foot on earth and she'll make sure he suffers like no other then when she's finally bored she'll let him die slowly and painfully with some incurable disease, he knows it   
Weakly, he climbed the stairs to his apartment and stood there staring at the door and waiting for it to magically open on its own as he left the keys inside  
The heartless brown door ignored him   
And Wonshik looked at it in utter betrayal thinking of all the times he loved it and treated it nicely, never forcing it open or slamming it shut   
Maybe it was mad at him for slamming it shut that last time   
He almost wanted to apologize for it, but no.. He shall not beg to a selfish door that doesn't give a damn about his emotional state   
And with that he aimlessly continued climbing the stairs till he reached the door to the roof and without much thought he pushed it open, 

  
It was nice up there he might have enjoyed the cold breeze if it wasn't for his current state and the fact that he knows he'll be spending his night right there in the open, starving, freezing absolutely miserable  
Dragging his half bare feet to the reel he stood and gazed at the city few with glassy eyes,  
Somewhere out there, the love of his life is lying in some other guy's arms, cuddling on the couch and watching some sappy drama, he knows because that's how they were supposed to be now  
He let his gaze drift from the far sunset to the pavement below, how it looked different seeing it from seven stories above  
And wonshik found himself wondering why hadn't he thought about jumping off his building roof before?!  
Carefully, he climbed the railing stepped to the thin ledge and stood there, eyes still trained on the pavement far below  
It'll hurt like hell when he hits it, he assumes  
Shit, what if he doesn't die, but breaks his spine and spend the rest of his life fully paralyzed!  
Could life hate him so much that a seven story fall to the hard concert doesn't kill him? Is that even scientifically possible!  
But Wonshik knows he's out of options, he can't think of any other free method to kill himself since his money is still locked behind his heartless door.  
With a deep inhale, he filled his lungs with the cold breeze and let his eyes lift once again to the sunset view  
The now orange sun sinking behind far buildings, birds flying back to their nests beneath heavy magenta clouds, the light breeze making him wish his hair was a bit longer to feel it ruffling it.. If life had so much beauty, why does she hate him so much?  
Maybe she didn't.. Maybe life was trying to convince him to hold on and fight, to find a reason to live  
But he's cold  
That freezing cold burning his chest like an ice block on his heart that will never melt, like he's fallen in the cracks of a frozen lake, unable to surface and too slow to die,  painful freeze can only be warmed in her embrace, he can't find a single reason to live,  
For a young man, wonshik's life was remarkably dull, he couldn't achieve his career goal and settled for a boring desk job, he doesn't have the money nor the ambition to try anything new or travel somewhere far, nothing in his life is worth living for but her  
And now that he knows that, he has no reason to stay  
Gently he let go of his hold on the rail and looked straight forward leaning his body off the ledge and asking gravity to do its job  
But he froze!  
Before leaning enough for the gravity to capture his weight he froze, eyes wide and trained on a specific window in the building right opposite to his, close enough for him to see an all too familiar sight, Blood  
Right before his eyes, he can see a pool of red that can only be recognized as blood, seeping from the extended wrist of a girl lying dead on the floor of what seems to be an apartment  
And the realization hit wonshik mixed with a wave of panic almost making him lose his balance and fall if he didn't reach and held on to the railing  
A girl committed suicide in the neighboring building, seriously?!  
All wonshik could think of while climbing down the stairs to his apartment is that he needs to call for help before she bleeds to death hoping he's not too late  
He stood facing his door for a second hoping the damn wood would realize the situation and let him reach his phone, but to no avail so he continued his run down the stairs, out of the building and into the street trying to locate which building it was and once he did, he climbed the stairs, taking two steps at a time to the last floor, he roughly assumed is where the apartment is, only to be met with three closed doors, out of breath and with zero sense of direction he hit the first door he reached with the palms of his hands repeatedly like she would simply get up and open  
To his surprise the door abruptly opened and if it wasn't for his leftover luck He would have face palmed a very angry man who quickly took in his ragged state and mad eyes and before he could punch him in the face wonshik gripped his shoulders roughly and yelled unrecognizable words about seeing a bleeding girl in one of the apartments  
The man looked at him suspiciously yet unconsciously glanced towards the closed door of the opposite flat  
Wonshik caught the unintended gesture and ran to that door hitting it with even more force and panic while yelling at the now concerned man to call the emergency,  
His panic must have been convincing enough for the man to help him break the door and once off its hinges Wonshik tried finding the room he saw  
He did easily, and it was much worse seeing it up close, the pale _hopefully not_ corpse on the floor with the blood seeping from an open gush in her wrist, tainting her light brown hair  
And while wonshik was losing consciousness with relief when he felt the slow beating on her neck, the panicked neighbor was calling an ambulance  
_____________________  
By the time wonshik returned to his building it was already dark enough to be close to midnight,  
An ambulance took the girl with two of her neighbors who insisted to accompany her,  
He had no reason to go after he told the paramedics exactly what he saw  
While climbing up the stairs, he remembered what he was originally doing and thought about going back to the roof to jump, but found himself too tired to climb all the way up so he ended up crouching outside his apartment, head buried between his knees and leaning back against the hard door and realized he hadn't slept for more days than what he believes to be humanly possible  
And somehow the door seemed to finally have some pity on his pathetic state and nudged his memory gently, reminding him how his lover used to keep a spare key hidden in the corner of the door frame after her dumbass boyfriend forgot his keys one too many times  
Hesitantly, he poked his finger in the crock and let out a dry sob when he felt the cold metal  
But he he had no energy to cry or anymore tears to shed even after he was met with the letter and the ring on the floor where he left them, he stepped over them to throw his heavy body on the couch and fell into a sleep like death  
_____________________  
Wonshik had no idea how long he had been sleeping and had no method to know since his phone battery had died and decayed already and the apartment has no power to revive it, but there was no light coming from the windows so he assumed it was night, maybe he slept for a few minutes, 24 hours? 48? He didn't know  
But whatever the numbers of hours he slept it made him realize how pathetic his current state was,  
Once he regained his senses, his nose was attacked by the smell of river mud, the suffocating jail walls, and over a week without a shower, maybe he was dead and rotting indeed  
He decided that it was inappropriate to die in this state and slid off the couch to roll his body on the floor to the bathroom where he mustered any power left in him to climb into the bathtub, open the faucet and lay there in his dirty pajamas letting the water cover him  
No, he wouldn't try to drown himself again, he still has water in his ears from his last attempts  
____________________  
The cold bath and changing the once light blue pajamas were the best effort Wonshik could manage, but taking care of his hair or appropriately bandaging his wrist were luxuries his tired brain couldn't configure and had no light source for it anyway  
Eventually he left his apartment making sure to take his keys despite not needing them since he won't be coming back and climbed the stairs to the rooftop to finish what he was doing  
It wasn't the sunset that welcomed him this time, but the dim silver light of the moon trying to fight through heavy winter clouds  
The rooftop of his building was really romantic, maybe if he had thought about taking her on a date there one night she wouldn't have left  
But wonshik was never good with romantic dates and words, another regret he'll be taking with him on his trip down to the hard pavement  
Once again he stood in the same position he was in hours ago and prayed to any force above to let this end  
Yet the image of the brown haired girl crossed his mind and he couldn't resist the urge to glance at the opposite window  
And he immediately regretted  
Once again, he climbed her building stairs to the last floor attempting to save her from death or worse, a very familiar condition of explosive diarrhea  
Finding the right door was easier this time since it was still broken and he kicked open to find it was held closed by a chair  
Frantically he followed the coughing to find her leaning on the sink trying to swallow the pills with water, but he didn't give her a chance and forced her head down with one hand and not so gently hitting her back with the other to force the pills out of her throat mumbling frustrated words about how he thought no one was as stupid as himself to swallow that many pills at once  
The coughing calmed after what seemed like an eternity, leaving heavy, frantic gasps and the she was trying to move  
He pulled his hands away, giving her a chance to lift her head up and stand straight and was just about to ask if there was anyone who could take care of her so he can peacefully kill himself, but suddenly all air was knocked out of his lungs with her dead weight falling on him and pushing him with her to the hard floor with a truly painful thud  
He felt the pain shooting in his spine and skull followed by unmistakable wetness, he was bleeding  
Despite the sudden blackout he still felt the pain and wonshik knew he was bleeding his skull fractured  
This is it, for weeks now he has been trying to end his life to no avail, only to die now on the cold tiled floor of a suicidal girl's bathroom who's probably dead on his chest, life wasn't a bitch no, she is a psychopathic whore  
Fine then if that's how she wants his death to be then so be it, let his cracked skull bleed to death  
But with each passing minute the pain turns into a dull thump, and he's wide awake, slowly he tries lifting his head and it's easier and much less painful than he expected, he twisted his head to the side already expecting what he'll see and yeah, no blood just a wet patch  
And he swears he could hear a very distinct laugh from the depth of the toilet seat with a resonating " Not yet" and all he can respond with is a deep frustrated groan  
The bathroom floor was surprisingly comfortable when you get used to it,  Wonshik had no problem laying there for the rest of his immortal days, but the weight on his chest was both uncomfortable and inappropriate, so he touched her bared neck with one of his hands and was pleased to find a stable pulse because it wouldn't be fair if she succeed in her second trial  
What surprised him was how much of a gentleman he is to carry her dead weight to her bed, he tucked her under the covers and felt proud /you're a good man, Kim Wonshik/  
Then he stood by the bed contemplating whether to leave her and get back to his rooftop or find someone to take care of her so he can peacefully end his life  
The newfound gentleman side won again and he spends a good 10 minutes looking for her phone and then 10 more looking for a charger to revive its battery hoping she has her relatives saved with their titles  
He ended up punishing the wall with the phone because why the fuck would a suicidal girl care to use security patterns  
The frustrated man gave the half dead woman one last glance before deciding that it's not his business, why trying to stop someone from killing himself when he knows how annoying this can be, if she wants to be dead okay then, and with that he left the room  
With all honesty, he was just going to leave the apartment, he had absolutely no wicked intentions.. But the devil's damn seductions...  
Wonshik was just a man, a very weak frustrated man,  
And the girl was unconscious  
And the soft whispers behind his ears were turning louder and even painful at this point  
Wonshik was just a man..  
And this damn fried chicken box smelled so sinfully delicious  
So he stopped dead, staring at the plastic bag with the probably cold, but no less delicious chicken drumsticks inside, his stomach in a loud battle with his morals, growling angrily to remind him he hadn't eaten a single proper meal in almost two weeks, it's a wonder how he's not dead yet, but his conscience refusing to eat a dying girl's food, her neighbor probably got it for her after all the blood she lost  
But why would a suicide determined girl want to eat chicken? She'll just ignore it too busy drowning herself in the tub or something, such a waste that would be  
Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice was yelling _ _” You fuckin’ hypocrite”__  but that was drowned out with the sweet crunch and the exploding fireworks that followed  
10 minutes later Wonshik left the apartment with a full stomach, a relaxed mind and a weaker death resolution, leaving behind him an unconscious girl and a pile of clean drumstick bones  
And he found himself a little too lazy to climb all the way to the rooftop again, in fact, he was contemplating the idea of having a fake cast on his leg to have an excuse for missing on work for all this long  
Pretty optimistic thoughts that faded once he lay on his cold mattress to be hit with the soft agonizing scent of his lover on the pillow  
He spent the rest of the night and part of the following day in bed, weighing the possibilities, is death really his only option?  
Could he really just.. Move on? How would life be without her?!  
Maybe he'll go back to that boring job he hates so much even without her pushing him to excel it so they can earn enough money to travel overseas, he wanted Paris and she dreamed of sitting on the letters of the Hollywood sign no matter how many times he told her it was impossible, now he doesn't have to work that hard, he can just quit this job and find something simple and just enough to pay the pills, maybe a night job because he knows it'll be night when pain hurts most, a job at a bar or a restaurant so he can get food since she won't be making him awful homemade food anymore, something busy to distract him from how much he misses her, too busy to have the time to search the city for any trace of hers, something far so there wouldn't be a chance to accidentally see her intertwining her delicate fingers with another man, beaming at him like the rise of a million sun, maybe he should move out from Seoul   
Yeah, maybe with enough distraction he can find a life pattern  
But Wonshik doesn't want that, he doesn't want to open his eyes and see her there for a few seconds before the dream fades away, he doesn't want to find his pillow wet only to realize he was crying without knowing, he doesn't want distractions to forget her, he doesn't want to forget her  
He never realized how he made his entire world revolve around her till she left, and it all came crumbling down  
Squeezing his eyes shut again made a few tears stream along this side of his face to his already soaked pillow, he tried to stop thinking, force his brain to shutdown and sleep, believe the lies he said even for a few minutes and desperately tried finding any thought to hold on to other than her face  
And there among the shatters was the faint sight of the girl in the opposite building and Wonshik caught that thought like a life thread, lat his brain very deliberately trail to the events of last night, to the chicken flavor in his mouth already replaced with tears  
So he forced his exhausted body out of bed and the entire apartment to climb up to the roof with no suicide intentions for the first time, and looked at the opposite window where he left her the night before, and yeah he knew already that she wouldn't be there  
Leaning forward over the ledge he got a slight view to another window, and luckily she was there, alive which was a relief to his tormented conscious that believed she'll starve to death without the fried chicken  
Yet, he knew something wasn't right  
She seemed to be staring intently at something he can't see, something that gave a dancing orange glint to her empty features, he leaned a bit further and saw her hand holding what seemed to be a bottle of wine, with the wine seeping from her tilted hand to the floor around her   
"fuck!!"  
And for the third time wonshik ended up frantically running between the two buildings this time carrying a water bucket which he spilled half of it on the way and the other half all over himself when he tripped down the stairs  
Fifteen minutes later he was gasping on a half burned kitchen floor with slight burn marks on his arm and again, an unconscious girl by his side and he really felt like punching her smoke stained face but he ended up slapping himself instead for interfering again and carrying the body again to the unmade bed  
___________________  
Astonishingly enough, Wonshik surprised himself by taking the first steps to moving on, he pulled some cash from his thin account and payed the overdue bills, went to the building owner and bowed apologetically for slamming the door shut in his face, the guy forgave him easily and Wonshik got his apartment functioning again, that night he carefully tucked the letter, the ring and any small reminder she'd left behind in a rarely used drawer and after a few beats of hesitation he took his own ring off his finger and put side by side with its match  
And with one last remorseful glance he closed the drawer hoping he can look all his pain in a similar mental drawer  
From time to time throughout the day, especially when he feels that ache he would climb to the roof to check on the girl where he made sure to leave her exactly where he can see her with no trouble, after the first 3 times he almost fell off the ledge with panic when he thought she was dead since she hadn't moved a muscle since he left her, but then she made a little move to adjust her sleeping position and relief washed over him, she was escaping life with sleeping, he knew how that was like  
Some time after sunset Wonshik found a pack of instant noodles abandoned in one of the kitchen cupboards, crumbled and probably expired its warm aroma still made some comfort settle in the hungry man's soul, maybe it's true that food heals broken hearts  
He held that thought for a second, A broken hearted man, that's what he is now huh  
Sounds too dramatic for his liking but convenient enough to describe that hallow aching gap in his chest  
No he's not gonna let his thoughts drift there again, Think about the Ramyon Wonshik, about food, about the chicken you stole couple nights ago  
And it worked for his conscience kicked in, clicking his tongue at him disapprovingly  
 _ _" Here you are about to enjoy warm noodles, thinking how food makes up for a good distraction, and there's a girl starving to death cause you stole her food, had you left the chicken maybe she wouldn't have tried to set the house on fire, maybe on her way to do so she would have smelled it and stopped, tsk tsk "__  
With a guilty sigh the" too nice for his own good " man left the noodles hoping it wouldn't get all soggy in the few minutes he'll take to check up on the girl  
Leaning his entire torso off the ledge trying to find her was to no avail, she wasn't in the room where he left her nor the half burned kitchen so he guessed she's in the toilet trying to drawn herself in the tub and sighed in frustration pulling himself up while contemplating the idea of just letting her do it  
But then he spotted her familiar figure seven floors down, it wasn't really hard to recognize with her messy hair, light pajamas and dragging feet

He knew from experience where she'll end up, either the river, the highway or in a dark alley, all are options he wouldn't recommend, so as obligated to the title of" too nice for his own good " he ended up leaving the noodles to get soggy and ran down the stairs trying to catch up to her which wasn't exactly hard since she wasn't even walking, just heavily dragging her limbs, so he maintained a not too suspicious distance between them trying to be even slower than her prying she wasn't planning on walking aimlessly to the north Korean border  
Walking this slow made it easy for him to notice little things about her, how her arms were wrapped around her body in a silly attempt to gain some warmth, how every part of her was shaking and trembling, he felt sorry for her, wondered if he had looked that wrecked days ago, if she's going through the same pain he was and still is going through  
Did she wake up one morning to find the sun had raised on the everything on the world but her, leaving her in a darkness that seemed to be eternal  
And he felt sorry for himself too  
Only when he noticed her feet were bare on the cold concrete he was overwhelmed with the urge to take her back home, tuck her in bed again, and his system went on alarm mood, must get her home safe  
So he followed her into dark alleys praying she wouldn't stumble upon drunkards or worse and ready to fight if so happened  
He literally had to fight his own body's reflex when she went jaywalking on the highway as if begging trucks to hit her  
And Wonshik forgot all about his own suffering, his own fight and pain, all he could think of was getting this miserable girl whom he doesn't even know her face that well back home, he just feels obligated to keep her fragile form safe  
Miraculously, she reached the bridge in one piece, same spot where he tried to jump before if his memory serves him correctly, yet unlike his own experiment, the area was almost empty, no cars speeding by, no lovers whispering unrealistic vows of everlasting love, not even passersby, just the steady water beneath and the cold wind around them, huh maybe life wasn't trying to hold on to her like it did with him, perhaps she suffered more that even that cruel bitch had pity on her  
He stood somewhere not to far from her leaning in the reel in a mimicry of her weak posture, not sure if she knows he's been following her or not, but if she does then that will stop her from jumping, if not then he's close enough to stop her himself  
Long calm minutes passed with her staring at the river beneath her and him gazing at the moonless sky, he can tell she's still shaking and so does he, both in their light pajamas  
And this strangely calming thought settled in Wonshik's mind, a thought that maybe, maybe there's a chance to move on, he doesn't have to be happy or enjoy life the same as before, but didn't he overcome the misery he sees reflected in this stranger?  
Then maybe in a few days or months he'll overcome the loneliness and the cold, maybe in a year or three he'll find a somewhat comfortable living pattern, maybe one day the memory of the weeks when he wanted nothing but to die will be to far and vogue to hurt at all  
Perhaps that stranger will realize this too, after days of fighting, two nights of dreamless sleep and a stolen fried chicken meal she'll realize that she can move on,  
Even if the sun doesn't rise, life won't stop moving forward  
That's if life was to hold on to her too, all those attempts seemed to be almost successful he's sure if he wasn't fast enough she would have been dead by now

" Please"

A whisper barely loud enough for his ears to catch, ripping him out of his thoughts  
" let me go"  
And the moment he turned was only enough to catch a glimpse of her fallen figure before the loud splash, and panic caught up with him once her body was completely swallowed by water and he leaned off the reel trying to find her  
Once the water pushed her up again he almost fell off with how panicked he was, seeing her hitting the water with her hands clearly doesn't know how to swim, he knows the feeling so much he's almost choking on the fear  
No boat to safe her, life has given up on her indeed  
But unlike her, he knows life wouldn't do the same for him, wouldn't let him die, so he gulped and pushed his own body off the reel and into the river to be hit once more with the suffocating feeling he wished he'd never experience again  
Wonshik couldn't swim, but his brain still focused on one goal through the panic and once the water pushed him up he opened his eyes and spotted her fighting death near him, and like a dog would do he tried fiercely to hit the water with his arms and legs to get closer to her fighting the pain in his nose trails and ears till his had touched her body and he held on to her for her to hold him disparately as if each one is trying to drawn the other  
And after a few beats of battling Wonshik felt strong arms pulling them out and to a rough surface, and if it wasn't for his unstoppable coughing and the water in every hole of his body, he would have laughed at how it worked  
____________________

  
That night Wonshik didn't carry the unknown girl to her bed, they were both carried in an ambulance to the nearest hospital, her being unconscious as usual and Wonshik hanging in and out  
They were both examined in the same room and while his state wasn't that bad, he heard them talk about how awful hers was, obviously suffering from malnutrition and all  
When he was fully conscious again they asked him about any relatives they could contact but no one came in mind so he explained to them that they're neighbors and that he'll take care of the hospital bill, he knew he'll be investigated and so will she when she wakes up, but for now the doctor just nodded and left him to rest  
Few hours later he sat on his bed watching her sleeping face in the bed next to his and couldn't help but giggling when he got it  
Life hates Wonshik, so comes up with these random coincidences to keep him stuck in it, cut the power and gas off his apartment, send him a boat out of nowhere, give him the wrong medicine  
While life pitys this girl so she helps her escape, or that's what he thought  
Now he realized that life hates her as much as she hates him, but unlike him she doesn't send her random universal coincidences, just one intrusive neighbor that doesn't know how to mind his own business  
And it was somehow really funny  
Whether she was whispering to life or to him on the bridge, he decided that he'll have a proper conversation with her when she wakes up, it's the only way to escape his unchosen mission  
Now he needs to pay for the hospital bills from his wailing bank account  
____________________

  
After paying the bills, Wonshik found himself stuck in the unavoidable situation of having to explain how they ended up in the river  
He didn't know her name so but he told them what he knew, she was his neighbor, he was the one who saved her on her first suicide attempt and then when he spotted her wandering aimlessly he got worried and followed her, he saw no need to give all the details about her other attempts and him stealing her fried chicken  
The doctors nodded and suggested the idea of a therapist, Wonshik shrugged saying they can talk to her about it when she regains conscious, they still asked him to stay as a guardian till she wakes up, the " And confirmed your story just in case you were the one who tried to kill her" was left unsaid,  
Oh well, it's not like he had anything better to do at home but mopping anyway  
So he bought a pack of snacks from the hospital vending machine to munch on it in the corridor by her room waiting  
A nurse came over and briefly asked how he was feeling before going into the room to check on her, he folded the bag and put it in his hospital gown pocket getting ready to ask how long it'll take for her to wake up  
But then the nurse barely lasted a few seconds in there before hurrying out and looking around nervously then she hurried to the desk at the end of the corridor  
Wonshik sensed that something wasn't right and he entered the room carefully, only to be met with an empty bed  
Somehow he was expecting this, more nurses showed up looking confused and annoyed, they probably think she simply left or wandered somewhere, Wonshik knew better  
Perhaps Wonshik didn't know how to think, but it didn't need a genius to figure out that she was trying to kill herself again somewhere, so he had to force his brain into functioning properly for once  
The corridor two ends, one with the nurse desk and the elevator which made it impossible for her to take it without being seen, the other had the most obvious destination which made him wonder what idiot designed this hospital, an Emergency exit  
The nurses annoyed as they were went to search the obvious exit leaving him to easily sneak through the door, the stairs before him giving to open directions yet he didn't think much before climbing up, he knows the route he would have taken, had already took  
The rooftop door was slightly open  
And there she was, standing on the edge, her damp messy hair moving slightly with the freezing breeze, gazing at the dark horizon  
Wonshik knew he didn't need to panic this time, he'll save her anyway, apparently that's just how it works so he didn't bother stepping forward  
" Should i just let you jump?!"  
His deep voice didn't startle her, it seemed as if she too knew he would easily find her  
She turned around to look at him with tired eyes, both staring at each other in silence in which he allowed himself to actually see her features for the first time, she looked exhausted, wrecked, like a shadow of what she was supposed to be, she looked like him when he glanced at his reflection on the glass oven front before deciding to suffocate himself with gas  
The silence extended for a few seconds, a minute maybe, before she broke it with a weak hoarse voice  
" Why do insist on stopping me? Why won't you just leave me alone to die?"  
Her words despite being sluggish held a weak mixture of despise and despair  
Wonshik scratched the top of his head as a habit when he got deep in thought or was struggling to find the right words while his feet took slow calm steps towards her  
" Because i have to.. Not as in trying to save you cause I'm a hero or any of this bullshit, i think i really have to keep saving you"  
He stopped in his tracks and looked at her with wide eyes as if he solved a universal mystery, his words came out more to himself than her  
"Because that's the only reason why life is holding on to me.. Because being busy trying to save you was the only thing that kept me from killing my own self.. Trying to save you gave me a chance to consider the possibility of trying to move on, to live even if i didn't want to "  
He couldn't hold the loud park of laughter that escaped his throat at such an unbelievable situation" Fuck, life is a bitch for real,  
The reason why she forced me to live was to keep you alive, and the reason why she's forcing you to live is also to keep me alive, that's fuckin’ hilarious "  
She was looking at him as if watching an unamusing clown  
" What if i didn't want to? What if didn't want to believe that i had any reason to live? What if i didn't care whether you live or die? "  
He smiled " Then you can jump, i won't stop you if it's your choice, in fact.. "  
He took more confident steps towards her that made her tense but then her eyes widened as he climbed to stand next to her  
" i think i'll jump with you, you're right, maybe all this is a sick game, like no we have no reason to live but this bitch is forcing us to stay, giving us false hopes only to torment us even more, non of us has to be the reason for the other to live"  he shrugged " we don't even know each other"  
His simple smile made her eyebrows knit in confusion, he was smiling as if debating a roller coaster ride in a theme park not jumping off a building, that stranger looked mad to her, he did when he was about to break her spine to force the pills out of her mouth, when he jumped into the fires in her kitchen and literally threw her out to try put out the fire with the curtain, when he followed her around the streets of Seoul for three hours ending them with jumping after her in the river and they both can't swim, and now he's conforming her thoughts as he was looking at the ground far far below measuring the distance and wondering if he'd actually die this time or some giant bird will appear out of nowhere and save him before he hits the ground  
This stranger with the hospital pajamas and the band around his wrist both matching with hers seemed absolutely mad, but less desperate than her despite the resignation in his eyes, seemed ready to jump off the building with no real desire in death like her, he'll only jump to tease life, and if he survived he'll continue living also to tease her, challenge her, he seemed mad, but a madness that made her think  
He turned to her meeting her hesitant eyes with bright, existed ones still holding a fading glow of pain  
" should i go first to test the fall or together so neither of us would chicken out when seeing the other splattered on the sidewalk?"  
He made it sound so casual that she couldn't find the words to answer, she glanced at the far sidewalk and thought how painful the hit would be, every bone in her body will smash and she might stay conscious slowly bleeding to death, the paramedics from the hospital may save her before dying and she'd spend the rest of her life fully disabled, suddenly the idea of jumping off the rooftop wasn't that temping  
She looked back at the mad stranger who was still waiting for her answer, and Wonshik understood  
Out of his pocket he pulled out the half eaten bag of snacks, opened it and carried it to her   
" No reason to die on an empty stomach"   
She stared at the bag for a moment before looking at the rough concrete below and then back to him, he simply nodded towards the the snakes   
Perhaps one day someone will ask her about the reason why she tentatively took a chip and put it in her mouth, maybe that person would think of her as mad when she tells him how that night before the staff found them she sat next to the stranger on the edge with their legs hanging off while sharing the remaining chips in the bag silently and shivering from the cold   
Perhaps that same person will ask wonshik the reason why in that silence he was desperately trying to remember the restaurant name on that fried chicken box he stole  
Then they both would shrug nonchalantly saying

" at that moment i felt as if the life i thought hated me all along was trying to tell me that it wasn't worth dying so easily, that my sadness wouldn't stop the sun from rising the next day, and wouldn't stop its warmth from finding its way to me "

~ ** **The End**** ** **~****

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****Author note** **

****I hate open endings but I had to keep it open this time, It’s up to you if they will continue as lovers, friends or simply part ways as strangers** **

****Hope you enjoyed this shot even a little bit and if you haven’t watched “ Falling In Love “ short film yet I highly recommend it more than I would recommend my own story** **

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